|| I’m a farmer, at that certain age, when things begin to go,
Like waist and hair, and things down there, that kinda thing, you know?
The wife is on thon HRT, and lots of pills and potions,
And is getting fancy hairdos, and lots of funny notions.
Well, her and me, had words, ye see - one thing led to another,
And begod she upped and left me, and run aff with another!
Well, I himm’d and ha’d a day or two, and thought she would be back,
But after about a fortnight, my resolve began to crack.
I was getting tired of bread and jam, and needed a good roast,
If I only knowed the recipe, I’d have tried to make some toast!
The fridge was totally empty, there was nothing on the shelf
I was ateing beans from the saucepan, ‘cos I’d used up all the delft!
Well, one night I got to thinking, that my life is worth damn all,
So I found a great big bottle of pills, and resolved to end it all.