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MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU SUCKERS
by
Paddy Roberts


Seasonal greetings from Ron 'Grandpappy' Mortlock.

Merry Christmas you suckers,
You miserable men,
That old festive season is with you again,
You’ll be spending your money on cartloads of junk,
And from here to new year you’ll be drunk as a skunk.

Merry Christmas you suckers,
It’s perfectly clear,
That you fall for it all a bit sooner each year,
If it goes on like this you will find pretty soon,
That you’re singing “White Christmas” as early as June.

This Christmas card racket,
Will cost you a packet,
Each season it seems to expand,
The cards are so clever,
Though nothing whatever,
To do with the subject in hand

You’ll be taking the kids round to multiple stores,
To be frightened to death by some old Santa Claus,
Then its parties with spirits and vino and beer,
Merry Christmas you suckers,
And a happy new year.

Merry Christmas you suckers,
You bleary-eyed lot,
You’ll never get rid of that headache you’ve got,
But I hope you feel splendid you certainly should,
With your stomachs distended with turkey and pud.’

Merry Christmas you suckers,
Jump into your cars,
Roar off to your neighbours,
To sink a few jars,
Though your vision is double just keep smiling through,
There are others in trouble a lot worse than you.

Beyond any question acute indigestion,
Will plague you and make you unwell,
You won’t take the warning,
You’ll wake up each morning,
Undoubtedly feeling like hell,

But stick to it suckers,
Go swallow a pill,
For this is the season of peace and goodwill,
While we patiently wait for that nuclear blast…
Merry Christmas you suckers, it may be your last.

 
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