GEORGE THE THIRD
according to
Albert 'Igginbottom
(G.H. Goodwin)


Illustration by Jim Goff

When George the Third was King
We 'ad a colony over the sea
People there were a funny lot
They'd sooner sup coffee than tea.

In this place, America by name
George Washington lived choppin' trees down
'E didn't like King George at all
An' for 'im refused to bow down

"I'm sick of all this tea drinkin'"
Said George "It makes me feel ill
Why should we put up with it
When there's all that coffee in Brazil"

So George Washington wrote to t'King
To say wot 'e could do with 'is tea
To which, King replied "And the same to you
An' 'ave a lemon in it on me"

"That's done it" said George Washington
"Me an' thee are goin' to fall out
I'm sick of all thy meddlin'
This means war, I 'ave no doubt."

"If thou ever comes to America
I'll be waitin' for thee
But just to be goin' on with
We'll chuck into the 'arbour all t'tea"

All the good folk of Boston
Rushed out with their packets of tea
And flung 'em over t'arbour wall
An' watched 'em drift out to sea.

They 'eaved all the lot into t'arbour
Then went off 'ome to bed
An' just to show their independence
Drank coffee for supper instead.

King George the Third were fair livid
And knew just wot it meant
"It's that feller Washington" 'e said '
"E wants to be President"

"I'll put a stop to that nonsense
An' show 'em it don't mean a thing
They can throw tea into t'arbour all day
I still intend to be King"

'E got 'old of one of 'is Generals
'Oo 'appened to be 'angin' about
And said, "Thee get over there an' stop 'em
An' get that Washington feller out."

So t'General 'oo's name was Cornwallis
Set off to put everything right
But Washington stopped choppin' trees down
An' got 'is men ready to fight.

When t'British caught up with the rebels
They thought they'd nothing to fear
They'd just give 'em a good talkin' to
But they'd been warned by a chap named Revere

Paul Revere rode miles on 'is 'orse
Wakenin' people up with 'is warnin'
"Oo the 'eck's this?" grumbled everyone
"Makin' a row this time of the mornin'"

"British are comin'" 'e yelled at 'em
"Get out of bed 'cos they're near"
"Wot's up with 'im?" asked townsfolk
"British 'ave always been 'ere"

"You're a right lot of rebels, you are"
Said Paul beginning to see red
"Ere I've been yellin' me 'ead off
An' you moan 'cos you've got out of bed."

"I tell the King's soldiers are comin'
In their red coats with bayonets an' things
They're comin' 'ere to remind you
That this country is really the King's."

On 'earin' this, rebels got crackin'
An' prepared themselves for the worst
'Cos, as one feller said "This lot's not King's
'Ow can it when we were 'ere first"

An' so that's 'ow it started
With George Washington well to the fore
British chased 'im up an' down t'land
But 'e still came back for some more

Cornwallis got tired of fightin'
An' said, "This lot will never repent
My advice to thee Georgie boy
Is make other George President."

"At least if thee can't own this country
Thy name will ring with fame
'Cos this feller's name bein' George
Thou could say 'e rules in thy name"

King were quite 'appy with this plan
But there's one thing 'ad better be said,
We would 'ave been fightin' America yet
If King George's name 'ad been Fred.