HISTORICAL MATTERS
A few little nuggets of history that you may have missed in class.
 
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I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came.

King Richard, in one of his rages,
Forsook his good lady for ages,
He rested in bed,
With a good book instead,
Or, preferably, one of his pages.

(A.B. Hall)

King Henry the Eighth was a Tudor
Of our monarchs we've witnessed fu ludor,
Each wife that he wed,
He led to the bed,
Where he vudor and wudor and scrudor.

( Kirkham Talbot )

There was a crusader of Parma,
Who went to bed with his charma,
She, naturally nude,
Said, "Don't think me rude,
But do you think you could take off your arma?"

Boadicea often would goad,
Some chance soldier she met on the road,
Then paint with isatis*,
Their sex apparatus,
And embrace, crying, "One for the woad!"

(Douglas Catley)

* Isatis tinctoria is the botanical name for the plant from which woad is extracted.

A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison,
And had an affair with a Saracen;
She was not over-sexed,
Or jealous or vexed,
She just wanted to make a comparison.

(Ogden Nash)


There was a young monarch called Ed,
Who took Mrs. Simpson to bed,
As they bounced up and down,
He said, "Bugger the crown!
We'll give it to Albert instead."

The immaculate Sir Walter Raleigh
Had a terrible row with his valet,
Who, on seeing his cloak,
Cried, "You lousy old soak,
You've been rolling about in the alley!"

(Frank Richards)

Said Nelson at his most la-di-da-di
"I'm sorry if I'm rather tardy,
But I'm in a dilemma,
Should I bugger Emma,
Or screw the delectable Hardy?"

(A. Cinna)


Said Wellington, "What's the location
Of this battle I've won for the nation?"
They replied, "Waterloo."
He said, "That'll do,
What a wonderful name for a station!"

(Frank Richards)
 
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