by >Max Boyce

Incredible Plan

There's a story told in the valleys And I'll tell it as best as I can The story of one William McGonegal Morgan And of his incredible plan. It all started off on a cold winter's night A night that was strangely, so still When the rugby club's general commitee Banned 'Sine-Die' their ticket sec... Will. He was in the wrong, we knew all along There was no point in petitions and pickets He was caught with this woman at the back of the stands With the club's allocation of tickets What made it worse... she wasn't the first He'd been caught with Ben Water's wife, Ethel We all knew her with her fox and her fur She wore it on Sundays to Bethel. Will was sine-died, he broke down and cried I've never seen a man in such sorrow 'Cos like Judas of old, he'd sold more than gold With a Scotland and Wales game tomorrow. Then he had this idea... he'd go in disguise He had it all drawn up and planned And he went to the game, to his family's shame As one of the St. Alban's Band. Back in the village, they all got to know 'Make one for me, will you?' they'd say They'd ask, 'Any chance, for one against France?' And fair play, like... what could he say? But the man's very able, I think he's in 'Table'(Roundtable?) He was working all hours, fair play! He gave of his best, he was down to his vest Making about fifty a day. But Will's getting on and his best days are gone 'Well, my lad... I'm sad.' he'd say 'Will, you're on the floor... you can't do no more' And he'd say, 'Where there's a Will there's a way!' So he put an ad. in 'The Guardian' To employ a few men starting Monday And he started some men, I think about ten Three shifts and some working Sunday. They made about three or four hundred When the night shift was sent 'two 'til ten' The jigs were all changed and the tools rearranged And they started on ambulance men. Then they ran out of buttons and bandage And policemen were next on the plans While 'B' shift made refs. with dark glasses Alsatians, white sticks and tin cans. Then production was brought to a standstill And the union could quite understand When management tabled the motion How things were a bit out of hand! I'll never forget the day of the match The likes of I'll ne'er see again I can see them all, still... coming over the hill Hundreds and thousands of men. The refs. came in four double deckers It was going exactly to plan And the St. Albans Band came in lorries And the police in a Griff Fender van! I'll never forget the day of the match The likes of I'll ne'er see again When Queen Street was full of alsatians And the pubs full of ambulance men. It was then I saw Will for the first time I was standing on the steps by 'The Grand' He was in a camel-hair coat... dressed up as a goat Marching in front of the band. It was then that the accident happened! The roads were all slippy and wet He was struck by a man in a greengrocer's van And they took him to Davies... the vet. Now Davies the vet's a bit short sighted He said, 'I'm afraid it's his heart... But he wouldn't have lived longer, if he'd been stronger His eyes are too far apart. The funeral was held on a Monday The biggest I'd ever seen The wreaths came in four double deckers There was one from Prince Charles and The Queen. (Sorry!... 'The Price of Wales' and 'The Queens') There were sprays there from three thousand policemen And one from the St. Albans Band And the bearers were refs. with alsations Dark glasses, white sticks and tin cans. We sang at the graveside, the old funeral hymns And we all went to comfort his son What made him sad, he said, was his Dad Had died, not knowing we'd won. I couldn't sleep for most of that night I kept thinking of what he had said Dad had died... not knowing we'd won So I dressed when I got out of bed. And I walked again to that hillside To that last resting place on the hill It was all quiet, save... when I leaned over the grave And I shouted, 'WE 'AMMERED THEM, WILL!' And that story is told in the valleys And I've told it as best as I can The legend of William McGonegal Morgan And of his Incredible Plan.
The end