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Parodies
 
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CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE
by
Weston and Lee

It was Christmas Day in the workhouse,
And dangerous Dan McGrew
Was fighting to rescue the pudding
From a lady that’s known as Lou.

Then up spake one old pauper,
And speaking from 2LO,
He said, “List to the tale of Gungha Din,
The whitest man I know.”

It was the schooner Hesperus.
It was sinking with all hands on shore;
So we wired, “Send the lifeboat from Wigan,
We’ve never had that here before.”

But the brave lifeboat men, sir, at Wigan,
Replied on a postcard, “No fear!”
It’s too far to come to the Goodwins.
Wrap the wreck up and send it on here.”

’Twas a terrible railway disaster (whistle)
When the Scotch Express came with a roar.
It gave a shrill blast on its whistle—
It was Scotch so it wouldn’t give more.

It was then that the accident happened.
They found ’mid the rattle and din
A Scotchman had mislaid his corkscrew
And the cork had been pushed too far in.

We were all marching on to Khartoum, sir,
And we knew by the cannon’s loud booms,
The Sepoys were drawing our gunfire
And Tom Webster was drawing Khartoums.

Then Nelson fell back and he whispered,
“Put my statue in Trafalgar Square,
But tell them to make it look like me;
I don’t want an Epstein affair.

But, see! There’s a man on the glacier;
His nose is turned into an icicle.
Don’t you know him? It’s Walls the ice-cream man,
Riding round with ice-cream on his tricycle.
 
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