WOODMAN, SPARE THAT TREE.
by
Phil Harris

Submitted by Ron Mortlock

There is a tree grows near our house,
It’s been there quite some time,
Now, the tree is a slippery elm tree,
And awful hard to climb:
But when my wife gets after me,
In that tree I always roost:
Why, I can go right up it just like a healthy squirrel,
I don’t never need no boost!

Now, the other day a woodman came round,
To chop my refuge down;
Kept mumbling something about wanting to split it into kindling wood,
And then spreading it round the town.
I said to him, I said ‘Look here my friend,
‘Hold on, desist, whoa, stop!
‘Put down that forest razor,
‘Chop not a single chop!

‘Woodman, woodman, spare that tree,
‘Touch not a single bough!
‘Three years it has protected me,
‘And I’ll protect it now!’
‘Go chop an oak, get a birch or pine,
‘But save old slippery there, that’s mine:
‘That’s the onliest tree my wife can’t climb!
‘Mister woodman, spare it for me!’

I said to him, I said ‘Woodie, can you see that hole,
Way up near that old tree top?
‘Now, I’ve got five dollars in soft money up there,
‘And it’s yours if you refuse to chop!
‘Now no-one can climb that tree but me
‘ because, ‘really, friend it’s too slippery:
‘Fact of the matter is I can’t get up there very well myself,
‘Unless my wife is after me!’

‘Now I’m going to go home and get my wife,
‘And proceed to call her a very naughty word:
‘And all you do is stand by,
‘While I do that imitation of a bird!
‘But you ain’t gonna know just where I go,
‘At least while my wife’s around,
‘But the only thing I’m gonna ask you, Mister Woodie,
‘Is, if you don’t see me here on the ground:-‘

‘Woodman, Woodman spare that tree,
‘Touch not a single bough!
‘Because I’m gonna drop all five down to thee,
‘The one I promised thou!
‘But you must make that axe behave
‘Because old slippery there just must be saved;
‘That’s the borderline ‘twixt me and the grave!
‘Mister woodman, spare it!
‘Spare that tree!
‘For ME!!!