THE CALCULATOR
by
Malcolm Edward

Our worstest subject at schoo'
Was when we 'ad to do sums,
Teacher wrote questions on a board,
An we copied answers off us chums.

One day teacher came in wi' a box
Inside it were a little machine,
In numbers on' front yer punched in yer sums,
An' th' answers come up on a screen.

Teachers machine was real clever,
It never got any sum wrong,
It could add up big numbers an take away,
An do divisions both short an long.

"Next Monday" he said "There's a Challenge"
"Ill write some sums up on the board"
"If any kids answer before my machine"
"It's a day off for all that's my word"

Monday came an' most kids were real quiet,
They just knew that they couldn't win,
But one kid appeared very different,
Bob Hawkins face filled wi' a grin.

At nine o'clock teacher were writin'
Long multiplications on th' board,
All was quiet 'cept for scratchin of heads,
An Bob grinned but said not a word.

Then teacher sat down wi' 'is addin machine,
But 'e started to bang it on th' desk,
Kids carried on struggling wi' sums in their 'eads,
As teacher was becoming real vexed.

After a few long minutes at work,
Bob Hawkins was th' first kid to stand,
He'd finished the sums an' got 'em all right,
And wi' only a pencil in hand.

Teacher were red an embarrassed,
But 'e 'ad to give th' kids day off,
So out they all beamed one by one,
Young Bob was last out wi' a cough.

At the door he turned round to teacher,
He said "I knew we could win wi' no doubt"
"I came into Schoo' real early today"
"An took all yer batteries out"

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