Always looking round to do a good turn if I can
Last night, upon an omnibus, I saw a fellow take
A big fat purse from someone else's pocket by mistake
I knew 'twas quite an accident, and so, of course I told the gent.
Chorus: He didn't thank me oh, no, no, no
If you ever try to do a turn, be careful how you go
He turned and said, 'You are a pig-faced Hotentot'
Slung me off the top of the omnibus
That's all the thanks I got.
Oh, I shan't forget when first I came to London town
With my penny 'map and guide' and just half a crown
Close by the 'Circus' that same night, some girls in grand array
Came up and said,'Oh Charley! Do you know we've lost our way.'
'I'm very sorry, ' I replied, and gave the girls my map and guide.
Chorus: They didn't thank meoh, no, no, no
If you ever try to do a turn, be careful how you go
They stroked my chin, and tried to kiss me on the spot
Then they'diddled' me out of my half-a-crown
That's all the thanks I got.
Passing by a coffee shop one afternoon at four
A big horse in a brewer's dray was standing by the door
Just then the gee-gee tumbled down and went right off to sleep
I rushed into the coffee shop - and round began to peep
I saw the driver, Mister Brown, and said, 'Your horse has fallen down.'
Chorus: He didn't thank meoh, no, no, no
If you ever try to do a turn, be careful how you go
I told the man his horse fell down, then like a shot
'You're a liar' he said, 'Why, you pushed it down.'
That's all the thanks I got.
Once I saw some little boys all climbing up, you know
Peeping through the windows of an artist's studio
I rushed to tell the artist, but I got a shock, not half
I fancied by mistake I'd found a ladies swimming bath
The girls all screamed, and then I cried,
'Some boys are gazing from outside.'
Chorus: They didn't thank meoh, no, no, no
If you ever try to do a turn, be careful how you go
They said, as I stood there, with blushes burning hot
'Garn, you've only come up here to look yourself.'
That's all the thanks I got.
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