And wherever I came to look
The first thing that they asked me for
Was my insurance book
I was sent to clean the windows
The lady said to me
'Before you start upon the job,
Your book I'll have to see.'
I started sticking me stamp on
But just as I begun
The lady thought I wanted a kiss
So up the stairs did run
Her husband came with a knobbly stick
He said I was a scamp
He caught me on my tummy-tum-tum
While I was licking the stamp
One day feeling a bit run down
A doctor I went to see
He looked at my insurance book
Before he looked at me
He popped some medicine down my throat
He thought I was a tramp
He said, 'The medicine makes you work
So don't forget your stamp'
I started sticking the stamp on
But to the railings clung
For a big mad bull came rushing along
And when he saw my tongue
He tossed me into a china shop
I thought I'd got the cramp
And there I sat on a china cat
While I was licking me stamp
Every Monday morning a brand new stamp
I'd stick inside of my book
I always have to have a drink
Before my tongue will lick
Last week I had a pint of scotch
Inside a Tram I got
Before my tongue got nicely moist
I had to drink the lot.
I started sticking the stamp on
As I sat in the Tram
One lady with a wooden leg
Said to me, 'Hi, young man?
Who are you making faces at?'
And sloshed me with her gamp
There was I with her leg in my eye
While I was licking the stamp.
Every Monday I take for lunch
A bit of cold meat with me
One morning it was black with fog
And when I went out to see
I wrapped my meat in a handkerchief
Just like a silly Turk
I put me pants on inside out
And off I rushed to work.
I started sticking me stamp on
As I rushed through the fog
By accident I rushed into
A house that kept a dog
He gave me such a bite
I shouted out with fright
'Will someone bring a lamp?'
For at my lunch he was having a munch
While I was licking me stamp.
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