written and performed by Annette Mills (1940) I'm a stately home of England and here I have to stand In a little pink suburban twixt 'The Odeon' and 'The Grand' And every man who's lived with me in this country of the free Has left a little something of his personality. I'm an old Norman castle with a ruined Tudor wing Ten architects have had a hand in me In the days of old Sir Roger, his wife took in a lodger Who altered all my rooms to fit his key. That awful man who ruined me in 1894 Did things to my interior I hope he's sorry for He gave me fifteen little bastions and a Warsaw corridor They've all had a hand in the castle. I'm an old Norman castle with sandbags round my front On which ancestral ghosts all bark their shins So very little heracy committed on my terraces This blackout hides a multitude of sins. I've been entertaining soldiers since the year 1065 But concrete in my passages is something new to me And this flunky with sandbags is a lot of A.R.P. They all want a hand in the castle. I'm an old Norman Castle with a very queer inside In such a mess it simply isn't true Sergeants in my basements, awful gun enplacements But now I'm being used by G.H.Q. The General told his aid-de-com to ask for voluteers And when I heard the reason I was full of hope and fears They wished to raise my drawbridge which had not been used for years They all want a hand in the castle. I'm an old Norman castle and I've put up with a lot Of indignities not easy to forget These very young platoons who blow up their balloons Behind the vaulted walls that I'm to let. They won't leave me alone and they're putting more and more New sanitory arrangments on every floor I know the army backwards as I never did before They all had a hand in the castle.
The end